As I write this to you, there are piles of laundry that need to be done.
It’s the weekend. And yes, they’re still sitting there. But I’m learning to find my pace. To move through what needs to be done without letting it run me. And when there’s not time or space to get to it, I’m practicing not being so pressed about it.
Because honestly, whose expectation is that, anyway?
Who said it all had to be finished, folded, and put away by Sunday night?
Sometimes I just take my time with the laundry and all the other weekend chores we try to squeeze into a Saturday.
It’s a lazy laundry weekend.
I nap, read, or sip tea in between loads. I call this a soft rebellion.
I’m pushing up against what’s expected, the obligations that feel urgent and keep us running in circles.
Now let me say this—
I’m using the word lazy here, but not because I believe in it.
“Lazy” is a word that’s been weaponized. It’s been used to shame us into overworking. To trigger guilt. To keep us performing.
It has deep roots in capitalism, racism, and grind culture.
When I say lazy laundry, what I really mean is:
The laundry will get done when it gets done.
No pressure. No timeline. No guilt.
It’s my way of saying: I’m moving at my own pace. And that’s enough.
People often ask me, “How can I rest?” “How do I find time to rest?”
The simple answer is: You just do it.
You rest. You lie down. You take the nap. You pause.
There’s no other way around it. You rest by resting.
But the complicated answer—the one we don’t always talk about—is this:
You have to unlearn.
You have to unlearn the lies and conditioned behaviors that came from systems of oppression.
You have to unlearn the need to be productive all the time.
The guilt. The fear of falling behind.
The pressure to prove your worth.
Because that’s what shows up when you try to rest.
That’s what haunts you when you finally pause.
And that unlearning has to happen in both your mind and your body.
Many of us have read the quote from Audre Lorde:
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation—and that is an act of political warfare.”
What capitalism has done is take that quote and strip it down.
What we often hear now is just: “Self-care isn’t selfish.”
It’s been turned into a cute, marketable phrase that makes self-care about personal comfort, about spa days and solo escapes.
And while those things aren’t wrong, they’re not the full truth.
This watered-down version centers the me and leaves out the we.
It extracts the depth and power from what Audre Lorde was actually saying.
She wasn’t talking about indulgence. She was talking about survival.
About protecting your life and energy in a system that’s designed to wear you out.
When Black women choose rest—
When we step back,
When we say no—
That is political warfare.
That is resistance.
That is reclaiming something the world tries to take from us every single day.
“Times are urgent. Let us slow down.” — Bayo Akomolafe
I used to disappear just to survive.
I could disappear in different ways.
Sometimes I disappeared into my mind.
Other times, I disappeared into my body. Sometimes I disappeared into a little quiet room where I could find peace. And when my children were little, I would disappear into my car, sometimes for hours.
Most of the time, I disappeared into my house, making myself unavailable to people, to responsibilities, to anything that asked something from me.
That was survival.
That was how I found stillness when everything else felt like too much.
Now, I don’t disappear to survive.
I step away to remember.
To return to myself.
To move at my own pace.
To breathe without urgency.
So my invitation to you is this:
Allow me to extend permission for you to find your own way to soft rebellion—
To find your way back to yourself,
To disappear into rest in whatever form it needs to take.
Maybe that looks like letting the laundry be lazy some days.
Maybe it means slipping away into a quiet corner to breathe.
To rest.
To feel yourself again.
Whatever it looks like, let it be yours.
Word of Wisdom
I don’t owe urgency a damn thing.
Reflection Questions
What expectations around rest or productivity am I still carrying—and whose are they?
When I try to slow down, what thoughts or feelings show up in my body?
What comes up in your body when you hear the word lazy? What does it try to make you feel or do?
Somatic Cue
Wherever you are, place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
Take a breath in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth.
Whisper to yourself: “I don’t have to earn this pause.”
Then notice: What softens?
This work is sustained by the community. If this spoke to your spirit, I welcome your support.🫶🏾
I am in a soft rebellion of rest as I read your post and a few more just because I CAN.
As I read this I’m finishing up laundry but nothings folded and put away, still in baskets and I feel accomplished by my own standards lol